Today's lesson... faithfulness. Let me start by saying this is not a plug for donations! This is a testimony of God's love for us, his provision for his children, his goodness and mercy. As most of you know, I quit my job when all of this started with Caleb, I knew he would need me home with him while he is going through this and trying to keep up with all the appointments, treatments, the house, the rest of the family, and a job, was not going to be possible. So needless to say things are very tight. Until this month we have gotten by, but this month we were there, on the brink of not making payments, but which ones do you let go? How do we buy groceries? I'm going to be brutally honest here and only God knows how hard this is for me. I hate asking for help, it is so demeaning to me... I thought we had finally gotten free of scraping and scratching to make it until the next check, no food stamps anymore, no HUD housing, no church clothes closet clothing for my kids. Let me just say here that I am VERY grateful that we had all of those things, but unless you have lived that life, you can't grasp how hard it is to be in this spot, so afraid of being there again. Well, the Bible says in Psalm 37:25 "I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread". We couldn't make the car payment or buy groceries and a couple of other things. Lo and behold someone gave us enough money to pay the car payment and take care of some other smaller bills and then someone went and bought us groceries, so that got us through to the next check. So...needless to say, there again, was not enough money to pay all the bills. This time all of the utilities were due on top of the house payment and insurance payments. I sat and had a talk with God about this early in the day a few days ago. I was at a complete loss as to how we were going to pay these bills, waiting for the next paycheck wouldn't help because there were (are) other bills that check has to pay. Anyway...as the day wore on the phone rang...it was the pastor from the Presbyterian church here in town. He proceeded to tell me that one of Caleb's friends from school had requested prayer for him sometime back and more recently had come to them and said she wanted do something more. He said that this young lady organized her youth group and had a car wash in Caleb's honor and they had raised $648.00, he would bring it by the next day. Now, I told my mom that I hadn't sat down and figured up exactly what we needed to catch us up but I bet that when I did it would probably be the right amount right on the nose. Well, the next day when he brought the check it was actually for $668.00, and guess what!!! Now, I know better than to doubt God, but even when I do, He is faithful. Yes, I have had struggles in life, but seriously, I usually have brought those on myself and God may not just miraculously deliver me from those struggles but at the very least if I will pay attention and listen to that soft voice inside, He will lead me out of whatever dilemma I happen to be in. God knows exactly what we need and exactly when we need it. Things like this have been going on from the beginning of this trial. People have been so good to us. As Christians, we are the body of Christ, so thank you, to all of you that have reached out to us in one way or another, thank you for being the hands and arms, the very heart of Christ himself. You will have jewels in your crowns someday. You will never know this side of heaven how much you have touched our lives. You are showing Caleb the love of Christ in so many different ways, you are teaching him whether you know it or not. And for those of you that wonder what in the world I am talking about... thank you too. You may not realize it, but God is using your gifts and generosity too. There are so many lives being affected through all of this. As I have said from the beginning...God has a plan!
A long time ago Pastor Micah preached a sermon on the word "nevertheless", and during Caleb's first chemo treatment I thought of that sermon, and it has stuck with me. Through all of this, come what may... NEVERTHELESS, I WILL SERVE THE LORD!!! God is still God, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it's waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.... I will be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD!!!
Isaiah 41:13...For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand,Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Hitchhikers...
I'm putting one of my devotions on here today because it really spoke to me. I hope it speaks to you also...
Last night, I picked up a hitchhiker along the highway. I'm ashamed to admit it's the first time I've ever done that. Sure, I've handed out a bottle of water or treated a homeless person to lunch. But I've never picked up a hitchhiker.As I pulled over, a lot of thoughts went through my mind. First, my wife is going to kill me for doing this! I'll be late, and she will be worried about me picking up some stranger on the side of the highway. Second, what if my wife's fears are founded and this guy tries to mug me or worse? Third, how does this even work? What do I say? "Hi, I'm Alan, I'll be your driver for the next 30 miles."But I knew when I saw him, that I had to pick him up. It didn't hit me at first. I actually drove past him. Then I got off the interstate, went two miles back around, and then picked him up. But God was telling me the whole time that I had to pick this man up and give him a ride. So I did.As he got in the church van I was driving, he put his bag in the back and climbed in the cab. I introduced myself, "Hi! I'm Alan. You hungry?""Yeah. I'm Tim. Thanks for stopping. I'm starved. I had a granola bar this morning at about 6:30, but nothing since."I took him to Arby's and we both got a combo meal and sat down. People took notice of Tim's long, scraggly, oily hair and his dirty clothes, but no one was really rude or said anything. Tim told me about his life, about how he was born in Ohio, his dad died when he was 12, of how he moved to Tennessee, was discharged from the military for a seizure he had in basic, and that he had been hitchhiking since then. That was in 1972. He has been homeless, hitchhiking and living from Tennessee to California for 37 years. I realized that much of Tim's situation was self-induced. He had attempted to go to a career tech school in California, and that it was even going to be all paid for, but there was too much paperwork and he didn't want to take the time to fill it out. When he was discharged from the military, he could have gone to college in Tennessee for free with his GI benefits, but didn't enroll in time to take advantage of it. He had three years to do so.After we ate, I took him to the motel next door and put him up for the night. And I drove home.
As I was driving the last hour to my house, I could not get Tim out of my mind. All the details about him were vividly impressed upon me. His silver hair that was longer than my wife's, his hands that were cleaner than I expected but still quite dirty, the fact that he didn't smell as bad as I thought a person hitchhiking from California would, his shoes that he had gotten recently that already had holes in them. But the one thing that stood out more than anything else was his eyes. He had the clearest blue eyes I have ever seen. They were the color of light blue ice, like glaciers. Hear my heart when I say this: He was beautiful. It broke my heart that he was in such a situation and I kept telling myself, "Alan, he made these choices, these decisions that have brought him here. Yeah, life threw him some hard knocks, but he didn't do himself any favors."And that's when I had the following thought. I wrote all the above, not for you to say, "What a great guy Alan is!" but to hear what God led me through last night in my hour towards home:God looked at humanity, after the fall. He saw our dirty clothes, our unkempt hair, our dirty hands, our shoes with holes in them. All of that. And He said, "They are beautiful."And even while Satan whispered, "God, they did this to themselves. They made these decisions. Remember? You told them not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge. Don't feel too bad for them," God sent His Son in the form of a man to pay the penalty for our sins.And even while some well-intentioned angel said, "God, don't give them grace; they will just spend it on cheap liberty," God released grace through the cross.Both statements are true:
We did do this to ourselves.
We do spend grace on cheap liberty.
But God loved us through those facts and gave us the greatest gift of all in Jesus Christ.So the next time you see a homeless person and think, "I shouldn't give them cash, they will just spend it on alcohol," or, "They probably just did this to themselves," remember: the same is true about us. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And whatsoever we do unto the least of these, we do to Him.
Last night, I picked up a hitchhiker along the highway. I'm ashamed to admit it's the first time I've ever done that. Sure, I've handed out a bottle of water or treated a homeless person to lunch. But I've never picked up a hitchhiker.As I pulled over, a lot of thoughts went through my mind. First, my wife is going to kill me for doing this! I'll be late, and she will be worried about me picking up some stranger on the side of the highway. Second, what if my wife's fears are founded and this guy tries to mug me or worse? Third, how does this even work? What do I say? "Hi, I'm Alan, I'll be your driver for the next 30 miles."But I knew when I saw him, that I had to pick him up. It didn't hit me at first. I actually drove past him. Then I got off the interstate, went two miles back around, and then picked him up. But God was telling me the whole time that I had to pick this man up and give him a ride. So I did.As he got in the church van I was driving, he put his bag in the back and climbed in the cab. I introduced myself, "Hi! I'm Alan. You hungry?""Yeah. I'm Tim. Thanks for stopping. I'm starved. I had a granola bar this morning at about 6:30, but nothing since."I took him to Arby's and we both got a combo meal and sat down. People took notice of Tim's long, scraggly, oily hair and his dirty clothes, but no one was really rude or said anything. Tim told me about his life, about how he was born in Ohio, his dad died when he was 12, of how he moved to Tennessee, was discharged from the military for a seizure he had in basic, and that he had been hitchhiking since then. That was in 1972. He has been homeless, hitchhiking and living from Tennessee to California for 37 years. I realized that much of Tim's situation was self-induced. He had attempted to go to a career tech school in California, and that it was even going to be all paid for, but there was too much paperwork and he didn't want to take the time to fill it out. When he was discharged from the military, he could have gone to college in Tennessee for free with his GI benefits, but didn't enroll in time to take advantage of it. He had three years to do so.After we ate, I took him to the motel next door and put him up for the night. And I drove home.
As I was driving the last hour to my house, I could not get Tim out of my mind. All the details about him were vividly impressed upon me. His silver hair that was longer than my wife's, his hands that were cleaner than I expected but still quite dirty, the fact that he didn't smell as bad as I thought a person hitchhiking from California would, his shoes that he had gotten recently that already had holes in them. But the one thing that stood out more than anything else was his eyes. He had the clearest blue eyes I have ever seen. They were the color of light blue ice, like glaciers. Hear my heart when I say this: He was beautiful. It broke my heart that he was in such a situation and I kept telling myself, "Alan, he made these choices, these decisions that have brought him here. Yeah, life threw him some hard knocks, but he didn't do himself any favors."And that's when I had the following thought. I wrote all the above, not for you to say, "What a great guy Alan is!" but to hear what God led me through last night in my hour towards home:God looked at humanity, after the fall. He saw our dirty clothes, our unkempt hair, our dirty hands, our shoes with holes in them. All of that. And He said, "They are beautiful."And even while Satan whispered, "God, they did this to themselves. They made these decisions. Remember? You told them not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge. Don't feel too bad for them," God sent His Son in the form of a man to pay the penalty for our sins.And even while some well-intentioned angel said, "God, don't give them grace; they will just spend it on cheap liberty," God released grace through the cross.Both statements are true:
We did do this to ourselves.
We do spend grace on cheap liberty.
But God loved us through those facts and gave us the greatest gift of all in Jesus Christ.So the next time you see a homeless person and think, "I shouldn't give them cash, they will just spend it on alcohol," or, "They probably just did this to themselves," remember: the same is true about us. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And whatsoever we do unto the least of these, we do to Him.
Monday, May 25, 2009
home sweet home...
We got home yesterday afternoon sometime, we stopped at Braums on the way home so Caleb could have icecream. While we were sitting in the parking lot along came Miss Jill. She was meeting Rae and Kari Anne so we said hello and caught them up. We are going to Colt's first birthday party today so I have alot to get done. I will try to update more later today.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Saturday...
It is a little after noon on Saturday, Caleb is sleeping the day away, of course what else has he got to do? I took pictures to put on here but I forgot my cord, so I can't download them! Duh!!! Oh well, I guess I'll do it when we get home. Jessie may come to the city today and if they do they are going to bring Taco Bell for Caleb. He wanted it last night but I couldn't get ahold of anyone to bring it. Needless to say I am still bored silly, guess I will try to find something to do...
One of my devotions for the day is titled "The God of all comfort"...
the author says " ...so get to know God-you'll need Him. And He'll be there for you. He'll be there when everybody and everything else has failed you. He'll be there for you in the dark places." "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5
However long the night, morning always comes, and with it His joy. As you look back you'll realize that His grace protected you, provided for you, secured you, calmed you, comforted you and brought you through. Times and seasons change, but not God. He's always "the God of all comfort."
Pretty good, huh?
P.S. I added a couple of pictures, be sure and look for them! (thank you Kara)
One of my devotions for the day is titled "The God of all comfort"...
the author says " ...so get to know God-you'll need Him. And He'll be there for you. He'll be there when everybody and everything else has failed you. He'll be there for you in the dark places." "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5
However long the night, morning always comes, and with it His joy. As you look back you'll realize that His grace protected you, provided for you, secured you, calmed you, comforted you and brought you through. Times and seasons change, but not God. He's always "the God of all comfort."
Pretty good, huh?
P.S. I added a couple of pictures, be sure and look for them! (thank you Kara)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Noon on day 3...
Well when Caleb decided he was hungry last night he meant it. He had 2 burrito's, 2 corn dogs, 3 little cans of Sprite and a can of Hawiian punch. This morning? Nothing... Go figure. He didn't even wake up when Bob Stoops was in the room! But he sure smiled when he woke up and saw the ball. We played farm town for awhile on facebook this morning and now he is watching the animal planet. I'm bored. He is waiting to be able to take a shower, they have to cover up the dressing that covers his port. Guess that's it for now...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Friends
I just read Kara's blog (browneyesandfreckles) and am at a loss for words... She wrote about Caleb, there are even pictures and her grasp of something I was trying to say awhile back is touching to say the least. Thank you Kara for opening your heart to see Caleb.
Caleb has always been...my first thought is "my wild child", but he wasn't so much wild, just completely independent, probably because I wasn't available for most of his first three years. Caleb has always been a very strong willed child. Most people would say rebellious but I don't think that's it. He knows what he wants and the consequences just don't matter, he is willing to pay the cost. The only thing I can ever remember him being afraid of was a stuffed gorilla that was bigger than him, he still talks about that thing. He's never been clingy or needy, he could play by himself for hours. Keeping tabs on him was nearly impossible! I would tell him not to leave the house and he would sneak out the door that I was furthest from, every time. He could be as quiet as a church mouse and I wouldn't know he was gone until I looked for him. This is all changing. The other day he wanted to go play across the street, mom and I needed to go somewhere and she was positive he would leave as soon as we did (he always had pre-c), he called me 3 times to see if he could please go across the street but he never went. For some strange reason this thing has calmed him down so much. He is still Caleb, he still wants to run and play, but he is more obedient than he ever has been. He is more touchy feely than he ever was before, he sits still for long periods of time with me now. His eyes still sparkle most of the time, he still smiles quite a bit, but he is quieter, calmer. In the Bible Caleb was one of the twelve spies sent to check out the promised land and only 2 of those spies were not afraid, Caleb was one of them. He saw the big picture, the possibilities, not the fact that those giants could crush them. He saw what God had for them, and he wanted it, period. He trusted God to give it to them, and he did. God said "Caleb is of a different spirit, and follows me whole heartedly" , I expect my Caleb will do the same. I expect him to come through this strong, with a testimony that will bring people to the knowledge and saving grace of Jesus Christ. Look at his pictures, isn't he beautiful? God has a plan and a purpose for this young mans life! For some unfathomable reason, God allowed me to play the part of mother, what ever was he thinking? :)
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Caleb has always been...my first thought is "my wild child", but he wasn't so much wild, just completely independent, probably because I wasn't available for most of his first three years. Caleb has always been a very strong willed child. Most people would say rebellious but I don't think that's it. He knows what he wants and the consequences just don't matter, he is willing to pay the cost. The only thing I can ever remember him being afraid of was a stuffed gorilla that was bigger than him, he still talks about that thing. He's never been clingy or needy, he could play by himself for hours. Keeping tabs on him was nearly impossible! I would tell him not to leave the house and he would sneak out the door that I was furthest from, every time. He could be as quiet as a church mouse and I wouldn't know he was gone until I looked for him. This is all changing. The other day he wanted to go play across the street, mom and I needed to go somewhere and she was positive he would leave as soon as we did (he always had pre-c), he called me 3 times to see if he could please go across the street but he never went. For some strange reason this thing has calmed him down so much. He is still Caleb, he still wants to run and play, but he is more obedient than he ever has been. He is more touchy feely than he ever was before, he sits still for long periods of time with me now. His eyes still sparkle most of the time, he still smiles quite a bit, but he is quieter, calmer. In the Bible Caleb was one of the twelve spies sent to check out the promised land and only 2 of those spies were not afraid, Caleb was one of them. He saw the big picture, the possibilities, not the fact that those giants could crush them. He saw what God had for them, and he wanted it, period. He trusted God to give it to them, and he did. God said "Caleb is of a different spirit, and follows me whole heartedly" , I expect my Caleb will do the same. I expect him to come through this strong, with a testimony that will bring people to the knowledge and saving grace of Jesus Christ. Look at his pictures, isn't he beautiful? God has a plan and a purpose for this young mans life! For some unfathomable reason, God allowed me to play the part of mother, what ever was he thinking? :)
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Twiddle, twiddle...
Ho Hum... I have seen so many episodes of Zac and Cody that I could pull my hair out!!! I now have a farm on facebook. Now it's Miley...HELP!!! Is anybody out there? :l
We moved sides this morning, back in a small room but it's ok. Our nurse today is the one that reminds us of April. Caleb has slept most of the day but he is awake and watching, can ya guess? yep, Zac and Cody. He hasn't eaten today, well, does ice cream count? More later...
Well...he is sleeping again. They just brought dinner, gotta go for now...
We moved sides this morning, back in a small room but it's ok. Our nurse today is the one that reminds us of April. Caleb has slept most of the day but he is awake and watching, can ya guess? yep, Zac and Cody. He hasn't eaten today, well, does ice cream count? More later...
Well...he is sleeping again. They just brought dinner, gotta go for now...
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