Cancer free...

Last night Caleb slept from 12:30 to almost 10 this morning! He took pain meds at 12:30 and went right sleep, finally he had a good nights sleep! Today he had a Dr.s appointment to look at his incision and that went very well, she said they got it all and it was dead. Yay!!! He still has 8 chemo treatments left but we are halfway through this thing. We go back to the oncologist next Tuesday for a check up and they will let us know when he starts chemo again. I have decided I will not let them start him back up until after the 4th, he missed Easter at home and that was so very hard on him, we will be home for the 4th!!! He is already begging for fireworks. He is quite the firecracker himself!

It has been an exhausting week. Most nights Caleb has woken up in pain or was in so much pain before going to sleep that I couldn't get to sleep. I don't like drugs, so this has been a struggle for me, how much, how often? I know that I have already said that music is the only thing that helps but I am saying it again. Now I will be painfully honest here, I haven't felt much like praising the Lord lately. As humans we tend to expect God to act according to what we want and when we want it, that isn't how it works. My spirit has been in turmoil, so that music that does so much for Caleb...quiets my soul too. It has probably saved my sanity this week.

2 Corinthians 4:8,9 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. And finally....

1Thessalonians 5:16-18 16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in (not for)all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

untitled...

I know that I need to update this, but honestly, I am so mentally exhausted I can't think. We actually got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, so that was awesome! Caleb took his meds at 11 and we slept until 5 and then he took more and slept until around 9. Not to bad!!!
He is sitting on the couch right now, every once in awhile he will cry out, meds at 11. A few minutes ago he was lying there with his "stump" as he calls it, it the air and he said to me " I have a stump mom, and I don't like it! I want it back.", what do say to that? I don't know that he was really looking for a response, just stating the facts. I want it back too! I have moments, walking behind him, or watching him to make sure he is balanced, that totally deflate me. I can't breathe, so how can he deal with this, if I can't? I have flash backs of kissing his little feet, tickling his feet, counting his toes when he was born, playing little piggy, telling him he still had baby feet and hands right up until a couple of years ago. And then I feel guilty for not being stronger, he seems to be taking this so much better than I.
Well, now he is looking at a fireworks flyer we got in the mail today...that should be great fun, NOT. The 4th is always a big deal at our house, but this year I am kinda scared, he can't throw them and run! Remember those Calgon commercials? Daniel gave me a coupon for a pedicure back on my birthday and I am thinking I need to go use it really soon!!! Well I need to get up and get busy, have a very blessed day. Sorry this has been so random.

Psalm 28:6,7 Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

Music...

Well, we had another rough night. Caleb asked for pills around 12:30 and still couldn't get to sleep so finally I made him lie down on the couch again and he asked me turn on the music so I did and off to sleep he went. Around 6:30 he moved back to his room and asked me to bring all of his things (pillows, blanket,big red dog...) and put the music back on.....

That was this morning...for the last couple of hours, Caleb has been in his room cleaning. Yes, cleaning, he has gone through all of his drawers and gotten rid of a bunch of stuff, and come to realize that we spend a lot of money on him and he has never truly appreciated it. Wow! Sometimes I wonder if this child will ever cease to amaze me? He is growing up so quickly now. Normally your children take years to mature mentally and emotionally, Caleb is doing it in a matter of months, so it is so much more obvious. He called me in to help him and as we were going through some of his things we came across a box that held a cross necklace that had been given to him, it was empty so I asked where it was, and he told me he had given it to his friend that had headed up that car wash in his honor, and he wanted to know if that was ok... It is ok with me, she is a very special young lady, but it brought back memories of his oldest brother that made me smile. I have been blessed beyond my comprehension with sons. Each one of them is so special, so unique. There isn't anything they can't do and yes, I'm sure they would all be able to tell you something they can't do...but in my eyes, they can do anything!!! To this day, when they really smile it takes my breath away...When they hurt, it takes my breath way...each one of them, not just Caleb. Caleb is getting so much attention and love right now, the other three are getting lost in the shuffle. When you pray for Caleb, please remember his brothers also... we are all a part of each other, whether we realize it or not. We try to think that all of this only affects Caleb, because letting it affect us might make us seem selfish or inconsiderate, not so, any kind of loss touches every life involved. Sorry, I tend to get lost in my thoughts....I guess thats all for now, I can hear Caleb in his room, playing his video games, Daniel and Jacob are on their way back from Woodward, Daniel had to deliver something for work, Scott is out golfing (someome should invite him to go sometime), and I need to call Ben and Aimee and make some plans for tomorrow. Life goes on, doesn't it?

Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Today...

Many times I have had people ask "what can I do", I finally have something I need help with. Caleb is having a hard time going to sleep at night, he has phantom pains that seem to be worse at night. Last night I finally made him turn off the tv and I put some music on and it worked. So, what do I need? Music for Caleb. He needs his own cd's to choose from. So, on behalf of Caleb, I am asking for music. Something young people would like but not little kid stuff, after all, he will be a teenager this year ( rolling my eyes profusely). Oh, the music needs to be christian artists, that is very important! Other than that, he seems to be doing well, this morning he was mouthing off about his "stump" and said to me " don't sit on it" and I asked why would I sit on it and he said back to me " some people sit on stumps", so he is still making jokes about it. He has a Dr.s appt. next Thursday, so I will have more information on what is next after that. I will add more later, right now Caleb wants on the computer.

He wants a puppy so he wanted to look for one on the computer. He has had a lot of pain today and the pain pills don't seem to do the job. Nothing does. There is nothing I can do for him to make it better. He needs to be able to rest, to sleep through the night, uninterrupted. I think we all need to be able to rest for awhile.

Proverbs 3:24When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.

One week ago today...

Wow...I didn't realize until this moment that it had been one week today. He has done really well today, he went 11 hours without pain meds today! I made him take them around 8:30 and he wanted to know why but then probably 15 minutes later he started hurting so they kicked in just in time. He is in his room taking it easy now. I feel discombobulated tonight for some reason...can't seem to put my finger on what it is, so I will leave it at this for now.
Psalm 16:8
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Isaiah 41:13
13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

Graphic pictures below

I want you to be prepared, there are some pretty graphic pictures of Caleb's leg below, so take a deep breath and decide whether you really want to see these. Caleb has seen them and actually asked me take pictures of his leg so he could see what it looks like. On Saturday during his therapy he asked the nurse to let go of him so he could do it on his own. My heart swells with pride and breaks for his loss all in one beat. He is an amazing young man, but please continue to hold him up in prayer! There are sure to be many moments that he will need the prayers banked for him!!!

Pictures...

Caleb said it was ok to put these on so I thought what better way to update than this...