Well it's been awhile since I felt like writing, I'm not really sure what brought on the urge to write now... 
Since I wrote last we have gained some new family members, Ben got married last Friday so I have gained a daughter-in-law and 2 grand kids.  Natalie (most of us call her Nat) has a daughter (Nadia) that is 6 (7 in August) and Nathan just turned 4 in Feb.  He and Colt are only 3 months apart in age and Nadia and Grace are right at 1 yr apart ( Grace will be 8 in June).  The girls get along really well and were very excited to become sisters.  Ben isn't on the road anymore and it is wonderful to have them home!  I spent about 2 hours just talking to him today, I can't tell you the last time we did that.
Daniel is also off the road for the most part, if he goes on the road he is home on the weekends. 
Caleb was out of school from Nov. til the end of last month and he has gone into a different school which makes it much easier for him to get around.  He seems to like it ok, he does miss the socialization but that was a problem for him so it's probably a good thing! 
Jacob got a new truck a while back  (new to him) so he is off and running all the time now!  He turned 18 last week!  Seems like yesterday he was my cute cuddly little boy.
We've had some big birthdays this year, Ben turned 30 in March, Zac turned 20 on the 9th then Jacob was 18 on the 18th and Caleb will be 16 in October!  Daniel and Tori are between big birthdays this year.
April was a very busy month for us, as I mentioned we've had 3 important birthdays,  Scott's sister Lynda came to visit and while she was here we had my step-grandmothers burial, she had  passed away early that week, the next week was Easter so the family came in, 2 days later Caleb had a 3 month check-up and my dad got a pace maker put in the same day!  Then the wedding was the 20th.  Last Saturday I don't think I did a single thing but lay around, I was completely exhausted! 
Scott is wheel chair bound now, he has all but quit going down to the shop and if he does go it's only for about an hour, it's hard for him to be there since he can't work.  He is no longer eating food except for a very small bowl of applesauce that he takes one of his pills in and he does still try to drink water.  He gets all of his nutrition through his feeding tube and the rest of his med's go through the tube also.  He is no longer able to speak so we got him an I-pad and added a speech app so he can still communicate, that seems to be working out pretty well. 
I guess that leaves me.  Everyone always asks how I'm doing and if I'm really honest the answer is "I don't really know".  I don't think about it, if I did I might fall apart and there is no time for that!  I have a handful of people in my life that give me amazing support and I have found that the more I try to reach out to others in need the easier it is live in my world.  I have a friend that is going through a lot of her own trials right now and she always says to me that she feels guilty for telling me her problems, she doesn't understand that it helps to know we aren't the only ones going through tough times.  To hear other peoples troubles takes me out of my own... It could be much worse than it is...
I told my mom the other day that as messed up and hard as our lives have been the last      3 1/2 yrs, I wouldn't trade it, as strange as it may sound, I love my life.  I have learned so much over the last few years, like how much I love my kids, how much joy they bring me!  Every time we have a family gathering and all my babies are here (yeah I know they're all grown up but they will forever be my babies), I don't have words to express it... it gets so loud and crazy and I look around and sweet, sweet Jesus, the deep, deep joy I feel to be able to touch them and tell them I love them, to have them give me hugs... God has been good to me, and I thank Him every day for every precious moment we have!  Life is too short to dwell on the bad, we must be grateful for every good thing in our lives and for the strength to get through the bad things... So whatever tomorrow holds, this moment in time is precious to me and I am overcome with gratitude for this day, for the hugs from my boys, for the "I love you mama's" , for the knowledge that no matter how bad I mess up Jesus loves me, still...
Through all of this, over and over again this is the scripture that I hold to...

Lamentations 3:21-23(NIV)

²¹ Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Well it's a new year and as happy as I am to see the last year put behind us I am almost terrified of the year to come.  We need a miracle, I have friends that need miracles.  These aren't small little glitches we are facing, these are life altering mountains and deep, black valleys we are going through.  I have a dear friend that has had to deal with the recurrence of cancer in her son, I have talked about the Everaards before, they are dealing with a double dose of sickness.  Doug's mom had breast cancer several yrs ago and it is back and metastasized to her liver, and Gray has had to go back in for a surgery and we are all pleading with God to let it be nothing.  My step dads mom had a kidney removed last yr  because of cancer and it is back, it is every where, they think even in her bones, they have given her 6 months to a year.  I have another friend that had to have surgery awhile back and then had to have tests right before Christmas, I don't know yet how that went.  Then there is this hideous disease that Scott is fighting, so you see what I mean when I say we need miracles.  Earlier I got a message from a friend that said she can't quit crying, that she is tired of her friends hurting, I told her I know, I am worn out and a scripture ran through my mind... it is the second one in the list but I couldn't remember exactly where it was in Psalms so I just searched for worn out and got all 3...

1. Job 16:7
   Surely, God, you have worn me out; you have devastated my entire household. 
2. Psalm 6:6
   I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
3. Psalm 69:3
   I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.
    

Now I read those and I thought about this, no matter what is going on, no matter how bad it has gotten or how bad it gets, God is still God, I know this to the core of my being!  There are people that will blame God for all of these things and people that don't believe, or will stop believing but I will NOT stop, I will not give up, I will not cave in to the lie satan tries to make us believe...  I may be worn out and cry all night long, but joy comes in the morning!  Ps 30:5  ...weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Is 43:18,19  ¹⁸ “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I have used that last scripture before, if you have followed the blog you may remember it.
I have said before that I don't know how people survive these kinds of things without a relationship with Christ, without Christ there is no hope...  without Jesus I am empty, I couldn't survive a day without Him and I've tried, believe me, I tried hard.  So I guess what I'm saying is that as hard as all of this is, without Jesus I think I would give up and die, period. 
So, for this moment my throat may be parched from groaning but I refuse to stop believing in and waiting for miracles!!!  I will shout unto the Lord!!!  I will sing a new song!!!  My joy WILL come!!!  My God shall supply ALL my needs!!!  No matter what life throws at me I will with Christ's help overcome ALL adversity!!! 

Time flies...

It is difficult for me to look back over the blog, to rehash it all is ... overwhelming.  I think somewhere in my tiny little brain I pretend or at the very least just don't acknowledge that we have gone through and are continuing to go through so much.  There are days when I drop off the boys and drive away in tears because I look back and see this man child with a metal rod instead of the leg he was born with and it washes over me like a giant wave over a sandy beach.  And yet, he has strength that I can't even comprehend!  I have always been afraid of... failure I guess, and here is this boy with one leg deciding to wrestle, for the first time!  Who does that? 
And then there's Jacob, I look at this young man that was the cutest most lovable little guy and know soon he will go out on his own and it rips my heart out!  Time goes so fast, I am not ready for this!  I am so blessed, I think about where I was and what I was doing at his age and oh sweet, sweet Jesus!  I am blessed!!! 
No one can prepare you for how much you are going to love your kids, and I think most of the time we don't realize ourselves how much we love them, but there are those defining moments when it hits us hard, sucks the very breath right out of us and lays us out flat on our faces with the knowledge that they are the driving force in our lives.
Last weekend  some of Scott's family came to visit, his sister, Sandy, two of her sons, Joe and Justin and his brothers, Bill and John. We had a really good visit, Sunday morning we all went to breakfast and out to Scott's nieces new home to have a look, everyone headed home from there. As we came in the house Scott was heading through the dining room into the kitchen and tripped and fell again, cut his eyebrow but not bad enough for stitches. It was really hard on him this time though, he was embarrassed so I told Jake to just let him be for a bit but keep an eye out when he tried to get up. It's so hard, if it were your child you could run and pick them up, kiss their boo boo and dry their tears. This is so hard for Scott, he has always been so self sufficient and now... to have to have help even getting up from the floor... I can't imagine how hard this is for him. There are already so many things that he can't do anymore, we take so much for granted. You know that saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone? Scott is living that, every second of every day...
Ok, so onto some lighter topics,  tomorrow is Daniel and Ashlee's first anniversary! It is also Jess and Darrin's 7th anniversary! So even amidst the trials there are triumphs! God is still God and He is still on His throne! Life may not perfect but it is still good and every moment that we breathe is another moment to celebrate...
“What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.” 2 Timothy 1:13-14 NIV

Busy, busy...

Well August has been crazy busy!  This is how the first week went, Monday I enrolled Jacob, Tuesday Caleb and I went to OKC to see his prosthetist, Wednesday I enrolled Caleb, Thursday we left for Texas to visit my mom and step dad and we were there until Sunday.  We went to church with them, ate lunch, packed up and headed home.  Monday (the 8th) it stormed and we lost our electric around 6 pm and it didn't come back on until around 10:30 Tuesday morning!  So Tuesday was spent catching up all the laundry and last minute stuff to get the boys ready for school.  Wednesday the 10th was the first day of school here and it was pouring rain!  Thursday I took the boys to school and stayed home all day to catch my breath and Friday mom came in.  Saturday we had a birthday party for Scott and my sister, Scott's birthday was Friday and Jessie's was today.  Everyone went back home yesterday evening and today we got up and went to church, this afternoon we mowed the lawn, we haven't had to do that since the first weekend in July because it's been so dry the grass was dying.  So see, it has been crazy busy!  This next weekend my oldest son will be in town for the weekend and the next weekend Scott's brother Bill will be in, I don't think it's going to slow down much this month! lol 
Caleb is taking wrestling this year, I am still not sure about this at all!  Jacob started welding in the afternoons at vo-tech, my babies will out of the house before I know it and I am not liking it at all!!!  Daniel and Ben are both working out of town and I don't like that either, I like them to all be here for family gatherings and I just feel better when I know they are close. 
Scott had a check up on July 14th and they are supposed to be getting him a breathing machine and scheduling surgery for a stomach tube but we haven't heard anything from them yet and he doesn't want me to call them yet.  His speech and balance have gotten much worse, he has fallen several times but thankfully hasn't been injured other than some scrapes.  He is still working some but has cut his hours back considerably, he has been training his replacement for a while now.  I think that covers everything for now...
“If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” Romans 14:8

A new challenge...

So today we went to Oklahoma City to get a second opinion on Scott.  The Dr. confirmed the diagnosis of ALS.  I am not going to try to explain what it is so if you've never heard of it or just don't know exactly what it is then please google it, suffice it to say that it is a death sentence.  That being said if you have read this blog you know that we are strong believers in the word of God and we are standing on that word now and believing for healing! 
I still believe that GOD HAS A PLAN!!!   I don't have any idea what that plan is but to stop believing because something else tragic has struck our lives is NOT an option.  Scott and the rest of our family are standing firm in our faith and need your prayers and encouragement. 

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Where does your strength come from...

So today I am sitting here talking to God and I was telling Him that I just don't think I am strong enough to go through another major battle and very clearly I heard Him say " you're not, but with Christ all things are possible Cindy."    So, in my weakness He is strong, I know that what ever the future holds He will bring us through that also...
Psalm 18:1,2
¹ I love you, O LORD, my strength. ² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
   my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
   my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Seeking answers...

If you know us personally and have spent any time talking to Scott then you know there is something not right.  For about a year now his speech has become increasingly worse, it began with hoarseness and has become very slurred over the last few months and is now getting nasally sounding, he also has muscle cramps and host of other symptoms.  He finally gave me the go ahead to make an appointment and I did, it was scheduled for the 28th and by the grace of God they called back with a cancellation for today, so he went.  He goes for a throat CT on Thursday and so begins the journey to find an answer.  Please keep Scott in your prayers as we begin another chapter in our lives, if we are right about what we think it is it will not be an easy road.  I will be updating as we find answers, just please remember to pray for us.

Isaiah 26:3 (NIV)
³ You will keep in perfect peace
   those whose minds are steadfast,
   because they trust in you.