Working back to normal...

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to update this and just couldn't put my thoughts and feelings into words. The last time I posted anything was 2 weeks ago, so a lot has happened since then. We are trying to get back to some sort of normalcy, which, by the way is no easy task! Caleb is back in school, he chose to go back full time, I should have insisted on part time because it has been kind of hard on him. The leg gave him quite a bit of pain that first week, there was one day I kept him home to rest it. We had to go to OKC to have them work on it because he is putting on weight (thank you Jesus) and it isn't fitting right. He has an appointment on Feb 1st to have it recast and a new leg built. He has gained 10 pounds, he looks healthy for the first time in nearly a year. His hair is finally coming back, his color is back and then with the 10 pounds, he looks wonderful! On the other hand, I am at a loss... I find myself crying a lot. I have not allowed myself to really let go of all of the pent up emotions rolling around in there, soon, I will have to do that.
There is no good time for that I guess... There has just been so much to do that I...
The house needed put back together after the kitchen renovation, I had to get Caleb back in the school groove, there has just been constant movement, like I said, there is no good time to let go. Yes, the kitchen is back together, Scott has to put on the toe kick and some trim around the door frame and then I need to touch up some paint and it will be completely finished. I love it, my husband has talents he didn't know he had! He did a fantastic job, and it was a job he did NOT want to tackle. So, now the house is livable again, after all of the work that has been done it looks like a different house, it is beautiful as far as I am concerned, and so much easier for Caleb. Now then, while I was cleaning the other day I came across all of Caleb's school stuff from last year, it took me to my knees... the first thing I saw was a paper that he was supposed to have me sign because he was failing math, the date was Feb. 2nd, one day before his first MRI, in 24 hours time he went from his biggest worry being failing math and going to summer school to finding out he had cancer...(by the way when he started home schooling his teacher was shocked that he could actually do the work)! The second thing I found was a paper he had to write about a scary discovery, here is what he wrote...

In sixth grade I got a tumor in my leg.


When I was in the sixth grade, I found out I had a tumor in my leg. My family and I didn't know that it was a tumor until last week. So before that I was going through unimaginable pain and I still am in pain but the pains not as bad now because I take pain pills. Last week I went to Oklahoma City to have surgery on my leg. When I got out of surgery, I had to use crutches all weekend. Finding a tumor in my leg was pretty scary.

No mention of cancer in there, and by the time he wrote that he knew what it was. Can you imagine the courage it took to write that paper? He's such a tough little guy... While I was waiting to pick him up from school one day last week there was a boy running down the side walk toward my car, he had a hoodie like Caleb's and for a split second... then I remembered, he can't run anymore... yes, someday he will be able to I am sure, but right now, he can't, right now, walking is a chore. He fell at school the other day, he told me after he had been in the car for a couple of minutes, he didn't get hurt, maybe his pride, his foot drags sometimes (the prosthesis) and he kind of trips up, he usually kind of hops until he gets control of it but this time he fell. It's not easy for him to get up from the floor, most of us can use both legs to push ourselves back up, the prosthetic leg is more of hindrance in this instance that a help. This is hard to say, but falling was a good thing, he had been so scared of doing it that it had become this huge obstacle, now he has done it, over come it and can move on.
Ok, lets move on to something a little more light hearted...Jacob is going on his first date...
I can barely wrap my brain around the fact that he is old enough to date! He is going to the winter dance, this will be a double first for him, he's never been to a dance or out with a girl, my baby is growing up! We went and measured for a tux the other day, I will post pictures when the big day arrives! Today he went to OKC with her and her parents, and my nephew, D.J. Jess and Darrin were meeting them later. They went to an OU basketball game then later they were going to a Thunder basketball game. Now, Daniel came in last night for the weekend and this morning he called to see if Jacob was home, he wanted to come get him (they are buddies now), he was beside himself, some girl has come along and is encroaching on his territory! I have moments when "all is right in my little world" , right now, today, this moment, this is a good moment, Caleb is sitting on the couch playing on his computer, Scott and Daniel are down at the shop working on stuff, Jacob is on his way home, today is mine and Scott's 6th anniversary... Scott and I worked on getting those last little details finished in the kitchen today, it was a nice quiet day at home, I couldn't ask for more. My life is full of beauty...
Hebrews 13:5
5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

What a difference a year makes...

One year ago I was busy painting our big dining room, I guess the proper way to say that would be "formal dining room", however, there isn't anything formal about our house. Looking back now... On the 3rd last year Scott and I met mom and Lin at the Guthrie exit (little did I know at the time how acquainted we would become with that exit) to get a table that Brian and Alicia gave us, I am actually setting at that table right now while I type this. A year ago I was looking forward to taking vacation as soon as the kids went back to school so I could finish the dining room and deep clean the house, which is what I had done every year for the last 5 years. The year got off to a bad start, one of our kids got into some trouble on the 3rd of Jan. but we felt like it was going to be ok. I finished the dining room that week and went back to work on the 12th. Mom came in the 13th, I had a teacher conference with Caleb's teacher's on the 15th (he was failing math), took the kids to my dad on the 16th so we could celebrate our 5th anniversary, out for breakfast the 17th, went to Enid with Daniel and Erika, rented movies that evening, church on Sunday, Chili's for lunch, back to church that night to watch Fireproof ( highly recommend it). There was no school on the 19th, Caleb had an orthodontist appointment on the 21st, he needs braces, had a girls night out on the 23rd, Scott put up crown moulding in the dining room on the 24th, on the 26th it was icy out, no school on the 27th and 28th, so I stayed home on the 27th and took the boys to work with me on the 28th. Life seemed to be going along pretty normally right up until 29th. Thursday, January 29th, I took Caleb to the Dr. at 2pm, to have him look at his leg because there was now a lump where he had been complaining of pain for the last 5 months. They did an x-ray and the Dr. showed me what he thought was a bone cyst, and said they would set up an MRI. On Monday the 2nd, which is my birthday, they called with an appointment for the MRI, Daddy and Linda, my step mom, came over that evening. Tuesday the 3rd, Caleb started his MRI at 7 AM, when it was over I took him to school went home and took a nap and then went to work. Around 4 that afternoon the Dr.s office called and wanted to know if I could come in when the Dr. was finished with all of his patients so we could talk...told me to bring someone with me...I couldn't get in touch with Scott, so I took my sister, she has been my rock for most of my life, so it was rather fitting that she was there. Anyway, I knew of course, before we ever got there that it wasn't good and that is where this blog began... We are still here, still standing, still fighting... we have been to hell and back, but the point is, we made it back! Caleb goes back to school in a couple of days, he is apprehensive, who can blame him? He is not confident on the prosthetic leg, so he is scared, but he won't talk about it. The other night I peeked in his room while walking down the hallway and he wanted to know what I wanted, then he asked if I had come to rub it in and when I asked what he meant he said " your two leggedness". I think he is finally beginning to deal with the loss, not an easy task, for either of us! Now that he is on the threshold of going back to school and going back into the real world I think the fear of not being like all the other kids is rearing its ugly head, that whole peer pressure thing. Last year at this time Caleb couldn't wait to get back to school, 2 months ago he couldn't wait, today when someone asks if he is ready to go back he says, "I guess", so like I said in the title, what a difference a year makes!

Sooo... Christmas, was pretty quiet at our house this year, usually we have everyone over on Christmas eve, we have goodies and then the kids open gifts. This year the house is in complete disarray because of the kitchen being torn apart so no goodies, and only Zac and Tori and Ryan came over. The older the boys get the fewer gifts they get so all in all it was a pretty quiet night, not to mention the weather was horrible so no one needed to be out and about. They shut down all the major highways in Oklahoma! Christmas day we, the whole family, minus my step dad (stuck in Texas due to weather), went to Daniel's for Christmas dinner (which was delicious). It was a good day, any day with family is a good day. Jess, Darrin and D.J. made it back to town just in time for dinner so that worked out well. Now we are up to New Year's eve, and we stayed home, just Scott and I and Jacob and Caleb. The guy's watched a movie and then at midnight Jacob went outside and shot off fireworks. Yesterday evening we all went to Ben and Aimee's for goodies and games. Daniel surprised us by showing up, he was supposed to be in Nebraska, Jess, Darrin and D.J. were there, Zac came, Ashley, Aimee's sister and her daughter were there, mom came for awhile, I think I got everyone. It was another good night, we are blessed. So, today, Scott and I worked on the kitchen (mostly Scott), Daniel came by and him, Scott and Jacob ran down to the shop for awhile, then out to Lowe's to pick up some things we needed for the kitchen, we are so very close to being finished! Hopefully tomorrow we can tie up the loose ends and get this finished!!! We are still waiting on the roofers but at least Scott won't have to wear himself out on that. He has worked so hard trying to do the kitchen, going to work every day, and anything else he has to do. Jacob has helped quite a bit too! Well, I think I'll head off to bed, we have church in the morning so I need to get some rest. Caleb went to bed quite a while ago, Jacob is in his room kicking back and Scott is resting in his chair, all is right in my little world. I am leaving you with one of my devotions from today, food for thought...
Psalms 90:12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Thoughts on today's verse:
So often we look up and time has passed us by. The things we promised ourselves we'd accomplish and the deeds we told others we'd do get left undone. Before we know it, days have become weeks, and weeks months, and months years. We find ourselves unable to do what we once assumed we could do any time we want. We must ask the Spirit of God to help us see and seize the opportunities the LORD places in our path.
Prayer:
Father, I confess that so often I leave undone what needs to be done. Please help me see your plans in each of my days and live in a way which not only honors you, but also blesses those you want me to reach. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.