Update

I guess I better get this updated...We are in OKC for chemo, this is the 5 day treatment so we will be here until Tuesday sometime. Caleb got sick last so they started giving him Phenergan so he slept thru the night and most of today. He finally woke up and ate a sloppy joe and drank a little sprite and he just asked the nurse for another sprite. Now we are watching the Jonas Brothers (joy, joy). I'm guessing he will be back asleep before to long.
Jacob's first football game is Tuesday night and we should be home for at least part of it. He seems to really like it so I guess that is a good thing. They had a code blue call over on the stem cell side today, made me cry...hit to close to home I guess, it turned out ok though.
I am going to add one of my devotions from yesterday, hope it speaks to you too!
Today's Truth
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14).
Friend To Friend
I can't take it anymore, Danita said as she flopped down in the recliner in her den. It was late afternoon, and plenty of evening duties still lay before her. She felt like she'd been putting out fires all day long with no one to help. Somewhere inside of her, she knew she shouldn't be feeling so irritated and helpless. She was running out of energy, and not enjoying life the way she once did. When she breathed her prayer of Lord, please help me ... it was more out of desperation than a sincere cry for help.
Have you ever felt like Danita? Oh, I have! Well, take heart frazzled sister! Your God is strong and mighty to save and, He's longing to invade your daily circumstances and pull you out of the pit. Only our God can bring stability out of the messes of life. As your Heavenly Father, it delights Him to comfort you and rescue you. He understands your stress and knows how the events of daily living can leave you feeling haggard and depleted. If you will turn to Him and allow Him to do so, He will fight your battles, restore your joy, and usher you into victorious living. He is waiting for you to be still.
As a small child, I escaped to the deep end of the pool one day and jumped into water way over my head. I remember fighting underwater, trying to get back to the top. The harder I fought, the deeper I went. I didn't know how to swim. Exhausted, I stopped fighting and expected to drown. Still and helpless, I then floated to the top, where a lifeguard noticed me and quickly pulled me to safety.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in the stress-pool of life, struggling, doing everything imaginable to fight my way to the top, only to arrive nowhere, feeling exhausted and helpless. Then, I finally remember to be still and fall into the arms of my Mighty Rescuer. Not one moment during my frantic struggle does He turn His gaze from me. In fact, He has already rescued me many times. I just don't realize it. In great patience (because He alone knows what's best for me), He waits until I give up my fight of self-sufficiency to demonstrate His power.
Let's Pray
Dear Lord, why do I continually try to fight my way through my daily circumstances? Please remind me today, through Your Holy Spirit, to remember how much You long to help me, give me peace and rescue me from the stress I experience. I love You so much and I want to thank You - once again - for being my Mighty Rescuer! In Jesus' name, Amen.

No need for words...

Caleb and I will be missing church this morning because on Friday when he did his cbc's his white cell count was extremely low so he is very susceptible to any illnesses floating around. He was very disappointed because he really wanted to go to school Friday. He has a Dr.s appointment tomorrow, it is just a pre-admit for chemo and they may bump it due to his counts, we'll see. Hopefully by tomorrow all his counts will be good and we won't get off track on the completion of his chemo. He is so very ready for life to be some sort of normal again. I would have to agree with that. Scott Sabolich called last week to let me know that they finally know what it is that the insurance company wants from them so maybe now the leg process will finally get moving. Caleb is tired of using crutches and only leaves the house to go to necessary appointments, across the street to his friends house, church and to school the first day. I haven't heard from the school to know about a teacher yet. I will try to update again tomorrow after we see the Dr. .
Through all of this, I have fought feeling guilty for not talking to God more, and this morning, while doing my daily devotionals, it dawned on me that I don't have to talk...He knows me, He knows my every thought. I don't have to talk because I know that He already knows so there is no need for words. Does that make sense? This morning it just all came together and I finally relaxed in the knowledge that He is there (here) and He knows, and it is ok if I don't talk. We used to sing a song at church, some of the words are the way I am feeling this morning... "I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand. Lay back against you and breath, hear your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming." This morning, I feel so close to Christ, that I can feel the warmth of His presence and there is just no need for words...
Psalm 94:18-19When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Melting down...

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”—which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark 15:34
Have you ever felt that way? I have, a lot. It's been a rough year and there are 4 months left. I usually see the glass half full, lately it gets harder and harder to not see half empty. I hate to admit this, but I have spent a lot of time this year when I have not been on speaking terms with God. You would think that all those hours spent in the hospital watching Caleb sleep, playing worship music, looking for scriptures, surely I should have felt a oneness with God through all those circumstances; that would be the spiritually mature and obedient response. But I have not always feel that. I have, many times,felt totally abandoned. It is my own fault that I feel this way, He is there, waiting for me to come to Him, I just have this ridiculous need to be strong and handle it all on my own. I know that I am in desperate need of a complete melt down. I have cried many times through all of this, but I have not just let it all go until there is that break through that comes from opening the flood gates. I need to do that, it is time. I need to let God comfort me, so that I can be a comfort. I need to let Him build me back up, so that I can continue to be strong for Caleb.

Lord, thank You for the reminder that You are my Comforter. You know me. You know about my sometimes shallow faith and my doubts. Yet You still love me, in spite of myself. Thank You for still being there even when I abandon You. Thank You for loving me through my silence, for quietly waiting for me to come to You.

Sleep

Caleb actually slept through the night last night, so I am hoping for the same tonight. We had everyone over today to celebrate the birthdays while Daniel was home, it was nice to have him here. He is leaving tomorrow, I am hoping he will go to church with us, we'll see. There isn't really anything new I just thought I would drop a line. Hope everyone has a good nights sleep! I will close with the same scripture I used last night.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. (Psalm 3:5)

Home

Just thought I would let everyone know that we are home. Caleb finished chemo around 4 this afternoon. He is laying on the couch playing Yo-ville on Facebook. It went pretty well except he did get pretty nauseous last night. They gave him meds for it and he went to sleep and slept most of the day today. I just hope he goes to sleep tonight, however if his behavior right now is any indication then I would say he will be up for hours! Mommy is very, very tired, so I am going to bed now. Hope everyone has a wonderful nights sleep!!!

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. (Psalm 3:5)

Procrastination...

We are back in the hospital for chemo, but this is the short treatment so we will go home tomorrow evening. We had a good start to our day though, Daniel is in town for the weekend and he hit town just a few minutes before we left and he will be there until Sunday so we are happy. Daniel has been working in Nebraska for the last month so we have been missing him and the last time he came home we were here and didn't get to see him. It is perfect timing because we are having a birthday party for Jessie this Saturday, her b-day is tomorrow and Scott's was yesterday. So, since Daniel is home everyone will get to be there. School started in Ponca yesterday and Caleb went. He made it through the entire day, I was worried because he didn't get to sleep until about 3:30 am and got up at 6:30 to get ready, but he made it. He said no one made him feel bad and he enjoyed his day so all is well. Jacob started high school!!! I can't believe it has gone by so quickly, it seems like yesterday I was sending him off to kindergarten. He is playing football this year, for the first time ever, I am a little nervous about it! His thighs are very sore from the exercises they have them do. I told him he will be in good shape by the time the season is over. He does pull ups every morning now also, so he is going to get all buff I guess. I think I have caught you up on everyone so I will tell you the latest on Caleb now. At the moment we are at a stand still on his prosthesis. They have denied it over paper work. So the run around begins, next week I will start making phone calls, I made a couple yesterday after I got the letter from the insurance co. and next week I will make more calls, it is hard to try to do that kind of stuff from the hospital. He is taking it in stride for the moment, however, I think if he were going to be in school every day it would really bother him. I am going to add a couple of excerpts from my daily devotions, I thought they were rather appropriate today. Joy is the deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.
My Father, how hard it is—and how powerful—to praise and thank You in all circumstances!

Give me understanding, and I shall live. Psalm 119:144
And to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord. . . . I Chronicles 23:30

Passion...

Someone I know asked the question "what are you passionate about?", it got me to thinking... What am I passionate about, anything? At all? So, what is the definition of passionate? 1 a: easily aroused to anger b: filled with anger : angry2 a: capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling b: enthusiastic, ardent, the third one does not apply here. What moves me to show intense feeling? It is a little disconcerting to know that I am not moved by much, so I have to ask myself why? There is a lot going on in my life right now, so I am sure that accounts for some of my complacency, but not all of it. When did I become so indifferent? Have I ever been passionate about anything? Yes, without a doubt, at one time I was completely on fire, passionate about Christ. I let other relationships get in the way and steal that zeal that I had for Christ. I was hungry for more of Him, I read the Bible, daily, I prayed, and by that I mean I had a continuous conversation going on with Him, I read books and studied. That in turn made me a better person all around. Looking back I know exactly where and when I let go of that passion and let something else take it's place, and I have never recovered it, I came close a few years ago, so very, very close and I let it go again. I have moments of passion, like Sunday morning as we were walking to our seats at church one of the teens, in a very sarcastic manner, said, "aww, poor Caleb Seaton". I can not begin to tell you how much PASSION I had at that moment, but Jacob grabbed my arm and said come on mom, and I did the grown up thing and sat down. I love my children, passionately, if it appears that someone is going to cause them pain in any way I tend to overreact, from the oldest all the way down to the youngest. But, I don't have a cause that drives me, should I? Other that Christ, and I do believe that He should be all of our driving force, are we supposed to have a passion other than Him? Our families? Yes, I do believe so, after that I think priorities play a huge role. We should be passionate about life, every moment, every breath we take is a gift and we should passionately appreciate it and share the maker of this life as often as possible. I need to ponder this some more, in the mean time, what are you passionate about? Please, feel free to leave me comments. If you leave them anonymously you may have to try more than once. Now, an update on Caleb, since this is supposed to be about him... His blood counts are low so we will be going to OKC tomorrow for a blood transfusion. He won't go back for chemo until the middle of next week. He still isn't sleeping well at night, not because of pain though. I am not really sure what the problem is, so we will keep having our late night talks until he gets it all worked out.
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Psalm 42:1-4

My apologies...

I am sorry it has been so long since I have updated, I am just worn out. We had the sale this past weekend and it turned out sooooo much bigger than we expected. We had so many donations we will have to have another one and people are still telling us they have stuff to donate. We are incredibly blessed!!! Caleb's platelets are low so he has had a few nose bleeds and he has a couple of mouth sores so he isn't eating very good now. He will go tomorrow morning to have cbc's done and if they are back up then he will go in for chemo on Friday. I am hoping they are good because school starts next week, I have a test scheduled for myself and there are a thousand other little things I need to get done, not to mention he is more than ready to get this all over with. We still don't know anything about his prosthesis, it is still "pending documentation", how ridiculous is that? Caleb couldn't sleep the other night and out of the blue he asked me why bad things happen to good people, so we had an interesting talk and then as we were listening to some music one of the songs said something about God walking through the fire with us and it was perfect timing (funny how God does that) I told him that God never said we wouldn't have to go through the fire but He did promise to be right there with us. Well, Caleb just informed me that he fell while I gone to pick up his brother so I am going to go check him over and give him some hugs and kisses.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22
Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:3-4

tomorrow...

I will update tomorrow, am exhausted from the sale. Caleb is complaining of pain tonight so please say a prayer for him, we need a GOOD nights sleep!!!
Proverbs 3:24when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Jeremiah 31:26At this I awoke and looked around. My sleep had been pleasant to me.